If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
