I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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