is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
