i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
