I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
