We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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