Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
