I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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