Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
