OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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