I got chris browned last night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
