My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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