he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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