i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
