and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
