Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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