The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
