in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
