First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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