your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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