I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
