nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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