There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
