I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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