im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
