your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
