im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So squirting runs in the family.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
