I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
