Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
