I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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