I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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