kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
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Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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