my sisters under your porch take her home
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
don't judge my taste in strippers
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
