first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
