hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
