It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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