why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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