I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
