if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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