dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
