How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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