Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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