jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
