apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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