My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
