I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
