A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is Oprah even human
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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