What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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