So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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