arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
