I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
