The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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