I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
