no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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