That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he had hair everywhere except his balls
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
