You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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