oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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