i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
