omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
