So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
