Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
