I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
