I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
