ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
