Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
