I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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