so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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