I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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