forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Everything about him screamed your future.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize