I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
