I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize