dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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