how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
