I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
