he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
