i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
