I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
