i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
sarcasm needs its own font
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
