Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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