My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
