You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
