He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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