the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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