the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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