so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
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Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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