i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
