and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Randomize
