Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
