So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
