I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
did i just pee glitter
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
