I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
